017;

Dear Father,

Guess what? One day, I'm going to be so much better than you. In fact, I already am. I actually have dreams and goals in life. All you will ever be a lonely old millwright. That's all you'll ever be. Me? I'm going to be an author. I'm going to make people cry and laugh and smile because of my writing. I'm going to make a difference. You never will.

I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to inspire people. All you will ever do is bring people down.

I'm a good fucking person. You're not. I will never be anything like you.

If I ever do have kids you can be fucking sure that I will never treat them like you treat me. You watch me cry because of the things you say to me and you just keep going. You don't stop, you don't ever stop. You just keep screaming and yelling and making me want to kill myself. Honestly, you have no idea how many times I've wanted to just end it all.

Every time you yell at me I think of a new way to kill myself. You don't know that I've tried it once before. You don't know anything that I've done.

Most of all...you don't know how worthless you make me feel. You yell at me and I feel like I'm never going to amount to anything. So congratulations, you've broken me. I'm not Sarah anymore. I'll never be Sarah as long as I live with you. I can't wait until I get the fuck out of here.

The day I move out I'm going to fucking unleash everything on you. I'm going to be the one screaming at you for hours. You're not going to know what hit you. I'm going to hit you with everything you have ever said to me and let you know exactly how I feel. I can only hope you cry. I would love to see you cry. I don't care how horrible that makes me sound, I want to make you cry. I hope for Ian's sake that you get the fucking idea of how much you've hurt me and that you never yell at him. The kid can't deal with it. You'll push him over the edge and maybe he'll end up succeeding where I did not. Most of all I hope he stays with Mom. At least she doesn't demoralize him for no reason.

You're an asshole. I won't be surprised if I never talk to you again. I'm never going to come visit you. I will never hug you. Nothing you can ever say will make up for this. I'm not your daughter anymore. I don't love you, I just fucking hate you. And I will prove you wrong if it's the last thing I ever do.

Sincerely,
Sarah.

016;

I fall into like too easily. I should really learn to control my emotions before they control me.

015;

I'm failing two classes. I don't know if I can pass them. Math will probably be failed for sure. Biology I'm hoping I can pass.

If I don't, I fail grade 11. If that happens...I don't know. I guess I'll have fucked myself over again.

Maybe I should just drop out and write. I can't deal with teachers anymore. I think I might just have to go to Grow or something, for real. I cannot fucking deal with it.

014;

10 random facts about Sarah.

1. I've kinda given up on myself.
2. I want things so badly but not badly enough to do anything for them.
3. I can't even stand to look at myself, I hate myself right now.
4. I can't sleep if someone in the room is talking/has the light on.
5. I don't ever want to get married or have kids. I think I'd rather die.
6. I'm fucking terrified of not reaching my dreams. There is nothing else I want to do so I'm pretty much S.O.L if that happens.
7. I want to be covered in pretty tattoos.
8. I'm scared to admit my sexuality to anyone.
9. I hate being touched. I have to be in a certain mood (not horny you pervs) to be able to deal with people.
10. Part of me wants to drop out of school and write.

012;

"You're pathetic, Sarah. Look at your life."

"Shut your fucking mouth! You're the pathetic one! What kind of father says the things you do to his daughter?! You sicken me."

"I'm sorry..."

"You have no idea how what you say to me hurts me."

Holy shit, I stood up for myself.

;011 Ghost of you

Coarse hands running over silken skin,

Fingertips trailing over protruding collarbones.

His breath hot on the side of her neck,

His broad chest pressing against her back.

Moving his hands to her shoulders,

He rubbed them soothingly.

"Open your eyes." Came his soft voice,

Right by her ear.

As she hesitated he squeezed her shoulders,

Until her eyes fluttered open.

Her breath caught in her throat,

Scalding hot tears pouring down her flushed cheeks.

She was standing at a grave,

His grave.

Clenching her fist down upon the roses in her hand,

She brushed the stems.

Thorns pierced the tender skin of her palm,

But the pain went unnoticed.

Dropping to her knees,

She sobbed uncontrollably.

The feeling of him around her was gone,

She was unbearably alone.