019;

so i'm sitting here, waiting until i get tired so i can go to bed. i'm reading a new tumblr that was recommended to me.

5 pages in, i start to tear up.

6 pages in, i'm sniffling and downing ice cream.

7 pages in, i'm comparing myself to some of the posts.

8 pages in, i'm bawling my eyes out, thinking about everything in my life i regret.


i just want to go back to the beginning of highschool and slap myself and scream at myself. i want to tell myself what happens and what to avoid and what to brace myself for.

i just want to go back to being young and innocent and still thinking the world is a good place instead of the shitty place it really is.

i want to go back to my little fantasy land, hidden away from reality.

019;

I never realized how much a sexist pig my father is until today.

When I asked him why I'm the only one who ever seems to cook or clean the house, he answered with "Because you're the female in this house."

Fucking seriously? You've lost a whole damn lot of my respect.

I'm starting to think he doesn't want me driving, either. He never congratulates me on my driving when I do something good, he always seems to criticize. Maybe it's because he wants me to do good on my test but part of me thinks he resents it. I understand if he really didn't want me driving, he wouldn't have let me go for my licence but you never know.

As my moving out gets closer and closer, he's acting more and more childish. I'm starting to not be able to stand him at all. He's constantly telling me he's going to stop harassing me about every little detail about my life because it is, MY life but he does it anyways. I'm getting tired of it. My decisions, my life. Stay out of it. If I want to stay up until 3am talking to friends, so be it. It's summertime, I'm allowed that. I understand if you bitch at me on a school night for doing it but I have nothing to do in the morning.

Just leave me be, Dad. Stop picking at everything. Please.

018;

I'm moving. I'm leaving Williams Lake.

I know I'm hurting people by doing it. My brother cried when I told him. My dad says he'll miss me. My friends say they'll miss me.

This is the right thing to do though. I want this, I need this. I can't take living with my Dad anymore. I can't take being in this town anymore.

I'm moving down sometime in August. I have a month to get things settled before I start school.

This is good. Things are going to be better doing this.